And now let us welcome a new year

Well, that blog break lasted a bit longer than I meant for it to.

As I'm sure you could tell there toward the start of the "break," I got a bit worn down by my own repetitiveness on the weekly gratitude lists, and work and life and life and work continued to march on in such a way as to nip at my creative heels, undermining my extracurricular writing, reading, reflecting, etc. And I let it, so that's on me. But each time I thought about getting back into writing more regularly, I would hear my internal voice say "meh" and  kept on the path of least resistance.

There were real and true plans to pick it back up at my birthday, paying subtle homage to the fact that the blog began back at my birthday six years ago. But Oct. 29 came and went, and here we are, post-holidays and on the cusp of a new year. Perfect time to get off my butt and back to writing, right?

I have mullings about this past year, and plans for the coming year, and these few days of really precious quiet time with the guys have been so helpful. My brain feels reset to a more balanced place. So, for the moment, I'll take it and move forward with optimism that I can structure my life to accommodate the other, important areas of my life that require a little time and energy to caretake.

So where am I at with the One Little Word idea? Oh, it's still a thing. There were a few early word choices vying for my attention, all reflective of my desire to focus on what's most important and not just what's urgent. For a moment or two, the word "filter" was at the top of my mind, but that's a completely utilitarian word, zippo on the romance factor. Filter led the way to "mindful," but hasn't that word been worked and reworked the past decade? That alone doesn't make it a bad word, but it wasn't quite what I was going for. And then I arrived at Presence, and stayed.

Presence is something that I have always needed more of in my life, even before smartphones and constant media inputs fragmented our brains. OK, my brain. But it's true. Listening, processing one thing at a time, not multitasking the heck out of every situation to try and get more done, slowing down just a touch and reminding myself of what's really necessary... for me, all of this fits under the umbrella of Presence.

Wish me luck, both on the Presence and the blogging. Time will tell on both of them, of course. But I see that they are rather related, too. A bit of Presence (I swear I won't cap it forever, just for this one post. Really.) will go a long way toward giving me the mental space I know I need to to even allow inspiration in.

I found the above image via Pinterest, and love the whole list--but was of course very interested in "Give the Present of Presence." :)

In case you need a recap, I couldn't help but review my blog posts about resolutions over the years:

2009 resolutions and my report on how I did.

Starting to simplify the goals process in 2010

2011: the first year I really picked a word (Focus).

2012: Grace, with the recap/follow up post)1

2013: Light

2014: Pray

Which brings us to 2015: Presence.

One site that is consistently my go-to for all things thoughtful is On Being. There are two specific posts that I've seen/listened to/read in this week of peacefulness that have relevance to 2014 (Pray) and 2015 (Presence):

Thomas Merton's Prayer That Anyone Can Pray.

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

Gordon Hempton's The Last Quiet Places: Silence and the Presence of Everything

There are many audio opportunities with this post, and I so enjoyed taking in his recordings of the natural world. If you can't find me, I might be out in a field, listening to the silence.

I hope that 2014 was a good year for you. And if it wasn't a good year, I am glad for you that it's over. I know a great many people who had life challenges this year, from health troubles and careers failing through to marriage and relationship issues. The beauty of a new year is the old refrain about turning the chapter to a new page and starting over; even if it was a good year, that's an idea that resonates with me.

One Little Word for 2014: Pray

When this word first crossed through my mind, I thought, oh, I can't pick *that* word. That will be making far too big a deal of my faith; I mean, I'll actually have to write about it, on the blog. (Because you, know, God forbid I actually pick a word for the year and NOT blog about it!). But of course, once I had that actual conscious thought, I knew it WAS the word, whether I acknowledged it or not. And I've lived long enough on this planet to know that nothing good comes from stuffing it down and not living what and who you are. So that's my word for this coming year: Pray.

Prayer is such a fraught thing. When someone tells you they're praying for you, it can hold a myriad of agendas and baggage. I've been there and felt that. It can also be the biggest gift possible. When someone loves you (and loves you in a healthy, open and unconditional way) and says they're praying for you, it takes the weight of the world off your shoulders. I've been there too, and felt such weight being lifted; it's amazing.

A few weeks after mulling over the word, I was at Grandma's and leafing through some of her journals and lists and such. She has been such a keeper of information over the years. Aside from the logging of what she gave and got for Christmas or birthdays, and the binders full of ancestry information, she has jotted little thoughts and notes about her daily doings. They can be rather amusing to read now, out of context; I'll point to one or another and ask her if she remembers what this or that note was about, and if she does we talk about it for a bit. It can lead to some pretty interesting conversations.

On this visit, I happened upon this poem by Helen Steiner Rice, a Grandma favorite. And while Rice might not have written my personal must-have books of poetry, I have a sentimental heart for her writing and what it's meant to Grandma. In my very "me" way, I saw this poem as a sign of validation for my word (of course!), and had to snap a picture of it. Grandma is quite used to me taking out my phone and pointing-and-clicking it at various things in her apartment, and she usually gives a funny shrug and a smile.

You can tell by the picture that my grandmother had great penmanship, in her day. I would date this writing at maybe five years ago, given that there's some shake, but not nearly what she has now. It's unmistakably her handwriting, and there's preciousness to that for me as well.

For all my condescending little smiles about Rice's poems over the years (much fewer as I've gotten older and wiser) (and kinder, too), these words cut right to exactly why Pray is my word this year:

A New Year Prayer
You are ushering in another year
Untouched and freshly new,
So here I am to ask you God,
If you'll renew me too.
But, Father, I am well aware
I can't make it on my own,
So take my hand and hold it tight,
For I can't walk alone.

I've had years where prayer was a regular occurrence, and years when that has not been the case. The years themselves haven't been dramatically impacted by my prayer, or the lack thereof--I would never try to make a case for "and then I prayed and it all got better!" Sometimes it seems almost unmagically the opposite; real challenges arise when you lay yourself bare and see revealed your damn humanity and all the ugliness that implies. (Or maybe that's just me?)

The years themselves, and the events that have unfolded within them, have run the usual gamut of good, bad and indifferent. I would venture, though, that the difference has been subtle but palpable, between the times I've been in close communication with God and not--to me. Well, mostly to me. If you know me very well, you might be able to tell. (Maybe.)

That's where the C.S Lewis quote comes in: I pray to be that quote, to have that kind of need, and be changed by praying.

In a way, I feel like Pray could (should?) be my word, every year. But I also still feel that way about Pause (2010), Focus (2011), Grace (2012) and Light (this year). I love the way these words stay with me, and layer on top of each other. I've even said, laughing, that I must be a little slow, because I feel like I just get the word into my consciousness, and then wham, it's a new year with a new word. I need an overlap year, where I can hold onto the word from the past and move forward into the new word... it's all rather beautiful and complicated in my own mind... I'm sure you get it, too?

But the thing that makes me so happy about this word, and why I could see holding on to it for awhile, is that this word makes a lot of other words (and things) fall into place. At least, that's how I imagine it *could* go... If I put the proper attention to living this word, I have optimism that other priorities will align. Of course, now that I've said it out loud, the "other shoe dropping" part of my nature is poised, waiting for something to mess it up and distract me, obfuscate my vision from that which I know is important. You know, my usual ADHD. Awesome.

Here we go, off into another year! Wish me luck. Or, better yet, pray for me. ;)

Why choosing Light as my OLW 2013 was the best choice, ever

Because every day I am shown opportunities to share Light, receive Light, Be Light.

This blog post.

This video.



This quote.
I said: what about my eyes?
God said: Keep them on the road.
I said: what about my passion?
God said: Keep it burning.
I said: what about my heart?
God said: Tell me what you hold inside it?
I said: pain and sorrow?
He said: ..stay with it. The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
-Rumi

This picture.

For more on OLW, see here.

A-Z blogging challenge: L is for Light

For the past few years, as the new year rolls around, I've picked a word as a theme of focus, rather than a longer set of goals and resolutions. It's worked well in the sense that I enjoy the simplicity of the One Little Word philosophy, and have felt the cumulative effect of the words over time, even after it's year is over.

I began in 2010 with Pause; 2011 brought about Focus. In 2012 I chose Grace, and finally, this year, I landed on Light.

I have done next to no actual writing or participating in the One Little Word world, as my work life and home life have kept me busy. But I wear my token of Light (a pendant with the word and year inscribed) almost daily, and in the act of putting it on, I reflect and remember all the things that Light symbolizes for me, and also Pause for a moment to focus (see, those words from previous years really do come back around again). (If needed, I'm also capable of extending a little Grace to myself, and others.)

My original post on Light says a lot of what I'm working toward accomplishing this year, but I have found a few additional Light-related thoughts to share along the way, as well.

The lamps are different, but the Light is the same.

-Rumi

"I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what Light I have."

-Abraham Lincoln

I have a Pinterest board devoted to OLW2013:Light, with more words and images, if you're a pinner and you're interested.

lights

What do you think of when someone says Light is their word to focus on? There are so many different angles to take--I'm curious to hear yours.

What's this A-Z business about? Check out my kick-off post. And stay tuned for the random joy and nonsense I concoct during the month of April!

Friday night grateful moment

The sliding door to our bedroom deck is open, and I can smell recently quashed fires in the air. It is spring. No two ways about it. I'm practically too giddy to type! Why is it that spring feels so longed-for, even this year, when it's been arguably quite mild? Who knows. I'm just glad--and grateful--that it's here.

Let me count the ways...

*We went from coats to shirt sleeves, practically overnight. Meanwhile, Seth's new spring coat just arrived, and I'm thinking I'm glad we bought it a bit big, because very soon it will be a fall coat...

asparagus

*Aspargus in everything... soup to omelettes! Grateful for spring flavors.

*Getting up and into the day, even in this post-DST week, has been pretty easy. And those evenings? Heaven! So grateful for longer days.

wall

*Garden planning and plotting. Had lunch with a friend this week who shared a garden resource that we'll have to check out. Seeds! Tilling! And the trees got their seasonal trim this week too... things are looking (knock on wood) somewhat tidy, even. 

berries

*Green, green, everywhere. Doesn't hurt that it's St. Patrick's Day on Sunday, but spring IS green. And I got some fun new shoes in the mail this week, too:

*Family is coming to visit soon, and that always makes me happy and grateful. That always gives me a chance to do some fun cooking and baking, and crafting with the nieces. Can you say Easter glitter?!

pantone

*Maybe it's the time change (though that doesn't really make sense), but I am sleeping better lately... a cause for celebration, definitely. 

picnic

*Some weeks the planets just align a little better than others, you know? Grateful for weeks when it feels like progress is made, three steps forward even if one or two were back... momentum! 

*Grateful for my friends, in any season. Every season. Blessed.

cake

*Those guys I get to live with... I have a very thankful heart for both of them tonight. For Seth and his courage and character, and the same goes for husband, double on the character. That the two of them support each other and not just me? Blessed times a hundred.

*For technology, and all the things it makes possible. So I'm veering off the spring theme here, but my gratitude for technology is true and very on my list of things to be grateful for.

*I'm still really glad about my OLW for 2013: Light. I haven't spent a lot of time focusing on it here on the blog, but I have my little tag that I wear*:

and it reminds me:

travel

I hope wherever you are tonight, spring is near. Peace.

*I want you to know, dear reader, that I tried fifteen ways from Thursday to get that photo to turn rightways for you. I even retook the photo. Reuploaded it. Rotated it. Cursed. Did it all again. To not avail. So rather than continue cursing on a night when I should be grateful, I am letting it BE. Because I know you can make the leap.

Monday morning inspiration

The view for much of our roadtrip this past weekend.

I have been reflecting on my lack of dietary freshness of late. Some winters I do a better job with keeping up on the salads and such, other winters... not so much. This is one of those not so much winters. So, knowing I should be doing better, I have been looking for some inspiration beyond the box of greens languishing in the fridge, and of course, there are plenty of options.

Kale and squash salad or Brussels sprout salad or Winter radicchio slaw or Endive salad with blue cheese, red grapes and pecans. There is surely no excuse for my lack of salad intake... I'm determined to turn this trend around!

I was cleaning out my inbox over the weekend--it tends to creep up in number if I don't keep an eye out, know what I mean?--and saw a leftover devotional email from the very end of 2012, talking about a Psalm for the new year, Psalm 90. I saw this paraphrase below, and love how it aligns with so much of what I want to remember every day, as well as what I've chosen for my OLW 2013: Light. I love it when my procrastination results in an a-ha moment when that same email might have gotten a quick delete a month or two ago.

Spring doesn't seem so far away these days. The sun has come out here and there, enough to tease toward whole days of cloudless skies. And the temperatures have been almost balmy as well. Seeing color forecasts from Pantone never hurts, either. I actually saw the fall one first and thought, "Oh brother, surely we aren't fast-forwarding straight to fall?" and went looking for spring.

Which are your favorites? For spring, mine has to be Tender Shoots or Lemon Zest or Nectarine (I know, hard to choose!). For fall, I'm Acai and Koi, with a little Mykonos Blue... Regardless, I do love both palettes!

pantone spring

pantone fall fashion

Panorama of the lake of my childhood, Okanagan Lake.

Wishing you the kind of week that brings blue skies, fresh air and glassy lakes (even if they're all just figurative!).