And now let us welcome a new year

Well, that blog break lasted a bit longer than I meant for it to.

As I'm sure you could tell there toward the start of the "break," I got a bit worn down by my own repetitiveness on the weekly gratitude lists, and work and life and life and work continued to march on in such a way as to nip at my creative heels, undermining my extracurricular writing, reading, reflecting, etc. And I let it, so that's on me. But each time I thought about getting back into writing more regularly, I would hear my internal voice say "meh" and  kept on the path of least resistance.

There were real and true plans to pick it back up at my birthday, paying subtle homage to the fact that the blog began back at my birthday six years ago. But Oct. 29 came and went, and here we are, post-holidays and on the cusp of a new year. Perfect time to get off my butt and back to writing, right?

I have mullings about this past year, and plans for the coming year, and these few days of really precious quiet time with the guys have been so helpful. My brain feels reset to a more balanced place. So, for the moment, I'll take it and move forward with optimism that I can structure my life to accommodate the other, important areas of my life that require a little time and energy to caretake.

So where am I at with the One Little Word idea? Oh, it's still a thing. There were a few early word choices vying for my attention, all reflective of my desire to focus on what's most important and not just what's urgent. For a moment or two, the word "filter" was at the top of my mind, but that's a completely utilitarian word, zippo on the romance factor. Filter led the way to "mindful," but hasn't that word been worked and reworked the past decade? That alone doesn't make it a bad word, but it wasn't quite what I was going for. And then I arrived at Presence, and stayed.

Presence is something that I have always needed more of in my life, even before smartphones and constant media inputs fragmented our brains. OK, my brain. But it's true. Listening, processing one thing at a time, not multitasking the heck out of every situation to try and get more done, slowing down just a touch and reminding myself of what's really necessary... for me, all of this fits under the umbrella of Presence.

Wish me luck, both on the Presence and the blogging. Time will tell on both of them, of course. But I see that they are rather related, too. A bit of Presence (I swear I won't cap it forever, just for this one post. Really.) will go a long way toward giving me the mental space I know I need to to even allow inspiration in.

I found the above image via Pinterest, and love the whole list--but was of course very interested in "Give the Present of Presence." :)

In case you need a recap, I couldn't help but review my blog posts about resolutions over the years:

2009 resolutions and my report on how I did.

Starting to simplify the goals process in 2010

2011: the first year I really picked a word (Focus).

2012: Grace, with the recap/follow up post)1

2013: Light

2014: Pray

Which brings us to 2015: Presence.

One site that is consistently my go-to for all things thoughtful is On Being. There are two specific posts that I've seen/listened to/read in this week of peacefulness that have relevance to 2014 (Pray) and 2015 (Presence):

Thomas Merton's Prayer That Anyone Can Pray.

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

Gordon Hempton's The Last Quiet Places: Silence and the Presence of Everything

There are many audio opportunities with this post, and I so enjoyed taking in his recordings of the natural world. If you can't find me, I might be out in a field, listening to the silence.

I hope that 2014 was a good year for you. And if it wasn't a good year, I am glad for you that it's over. I know a great many people who had life challenges this year, from health troubles and careers failing through to marriage and relationship issues. The beauty of a new year is the old refrain about turning the chapter to a new page and starting over; even if it was a good year, that's an idea that resonates with me.

Small stone: Jan. 31: Grateful

Small stones, you've been good
to me. Better than I've been
to you, these past few days.
You didn't change my life,
but you just might have changed
my month. I'm grateful I met you.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 29

Small patch of blue off on the horizon, you make me smile.
Wide swath of blue overhead (even for just an hour), I think I love you.
Entire sky of blue? I can't remember the last time I saw you.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 27

I feel loss
or the threat of loss
pressing in
on all sides.

My heart lodged
in my throat for hours
today, beating, thumping,
I choked on the sweet and steady
drumbeat. Alive alive alive.

I feel loss
or the threat of loss
pressing in
on all sides.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 26

Crazy-making circle
goes 'round. I judge others
for their judging of me.

Now, to breathe.
Om.
Judgement free.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 24: Thankful

It only took me about 40 years to believe it, but my mother was right: "Sher, you need a day of rest. Everyone needs a day of rest. You can't work seven days in a row."

#smallstone #thankfulforsabbath #weekendwoot

Small stone: Jan. 23

Having a short attention span is both rough and helpful.
Rough = I learn the same lessons, over and over.
Helpful = I learn the same lessons, over and over. 

#smallstone #tgif

Small stone: Jan. 22

The joy of head to pillow cannot be underestimated.

#smallstone #smalleststoneyet

Small stone: Jan. 21

Belting out both sides of a Sheryl Crow-Sting duet while driving today, grateful for the suspension of disbelief that allows me to think a) I can sing, and b) no one knows what I'm up to in my little steel-glass bubble.

#smallstone #readsmorelikeafacebookstatusupdate

Small stone: Jan. 20

Missed a day of small stone writing (Saturday), but rather than trying to make it up, I'm calling it a lost small stone. Some day I'll find it, I'm sure.

For today:



Flat, gray, somber,
winter Mondays stretch
out, hour after hour, Eeyore plodding
through Hundred Acre Wood.
Where's the sunshine bouncing
off my walls, energy
to spare? Where is Tigger
to see me through to spring?

#small stone

Small stone: Jan. 19

One day it occurs to me: Old emotions
are just that, ancient. Decrepit thoughts
I'm amazed can still be dredged up.
I clean up, then, sweeping out the dust of tired tears,
Breathing in the fresh air of right now,
this minute. Present to myself.

#smallstone #imalittleslow #emotionalgrowthishard

Small stone: Jan. 17: Grateful for love

Driving the morning commute,
I hear sweet words sung as if for the first time.

Drawn back to the past for a moment,
my heart is full and so are my eyes.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 16

Crisp air, inhaled deep, deeper, deeper still.
Tightness of chill meeting warm clears my brain from the daily fog and I gaze up.
Near-full moon, quiet sky, bright Orion float above.
Looking down then, away from the heavens to my haven, I am home.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 15

Flying over mountain ranges, I think about the people who first made this trip, and how daunting these peaks must have felt, how amazing to reach the other side. From my seat in 8A, I glide easily into a new world.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 14

"I'm not liking this conversation," husband says as I pack. "Well, don't you think about it every time you fly?" I ask. "Yes," he says, "a bit."

I've been warning him of the half-put away Christmas in the basement, the recycling that's only semi-sorted in the garage, the pieces of this project and that, and oh, my messy office; all things I meant to tidy yesterday, today, last week.

"But I'll be home lickety-split," I say. Him: "You better."

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 13

The day ends with hands wrapped warm
around a mug of cocoa.
Heart wrapped tight
around a hurting child.
Home wrapped quietly, peacefully,
around us all,
Easing us all into the dark night
To wake, a little healed.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 12

Is there anything sadder
than a house newly bereft of its Christmas attire?
Why yes, I believe there is.
That list is very long, indeed.

Today, though, I choose to ignore
those other, sadder things, and indulge
in post-holiday petulance.
My vote is for year-round twinkle lights.
Glitter and sparkle in June.
Icicles hanging off the porch in July.
Holiday baking in August.

Now I'm being ridiculous,
and even I see that, as I tuck ornaments away
and brush pine remnants from the carpet.
I'll move on with the seasons
and fully embrace the glum of mid-winter.
Tomorrow.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 11

We have a special language,
the wind and I.
He howls, moans, whines
and stutters.
I curse.

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 10: Grateful

Dear Gratitude,
Thanks for being with me all these years. Even when you are quiet, you're still around, and I appreciate that you're not always chirping away at me. Sometimes I just want to sit with you for a bit, and you always let me. I really don't know what I'd do without you.
Your pal, Sherilee

#smallstone

Small stone: Jan. 9