Advice is a tricky thing. I think we've all been in a place where hearing what someone else thinks you should do is simply not where you're at. And we've all been in a place to receive good advice, too, and apply it where needed. The absolute worst is the bad advice at a time when you're not wanting ANY advice. Thankfully, this blog post is not about THAT! (But maybe a future one will be, if I can unblock the memories of the worst advice I've ever gotten.)
The advice I received below came at the right time, and from the right people.
From a friend of a friend (on the occasion of my marriage ending): "Get angry." I was having some difficulty staying mad about the circumstances for more than an hour or two. Her take was that I wouldn't truly start to move forward without some fire in my belly. I really had to work at that--anger is not my middle name--but I did get up and get moving, soon thereafter.
From a friend's husband (also on the occasion of my marriage ending): "Always take the high road, no matter how difficult that feels at the time," speaking from his own experience, a decade post-divorce. Now that it's been that same amount of time for me, I do still agree that the high road is the best course of action, but you also can't forget to stand up for yourself and what's right, too. Sometimes that requires speaking up, from the high road.
From husband (when I was negotiating on the lease for my catering kitchen): "Don't talk a lot. The person who talks the most usually gets the worst end of the deal." And voila! It worked. I had never heard that advice before, and as hard as not talking is for me (!), I have tried to use that in other situations since. Not every gap in conversation needs to be filled!
I asked a couple of other people around me this weekend what good advice they've received as well:
Husband (he couldn't remember who had shared this with him): "Things are evolving. Enjoy life while it's good, don't get too worked up when things are bad." Agreed!
SIL Kim (from her mom): "Stop trying to please everyone." Amen!
What's the best advice you've ever gotten? Who was it from, and were you ready to hear it at the time?
Jen and I (and now my mom and Lisa too!) are blog challenging throughout September. You can catch her blog over at Stuff Jen Says. If you want to write along with us, give me a shout and I'll send you the blog prompts.
Posts
Good advice? My dentist in graduate school POLITELY asked me to floss. Just as a favor. For her. Just to see if it might work. And it did. And now I'm obsessed.
ReplyDeleteFrom Martha Beck: Loving someone unconditionally does not mean having to tolerating inappropriate behavior.
From Whole Living "Setting boundaries doesn't keep others out- it defines where you life begins."
I love the Martha Beck advice. It's good.
DeleteGreat pieces of advice. The high road quote is good. Love the one about not talking a lot when you are in negotiations. I have needed that a long time ago. Still mopping up from a quick mouth. And the evolution of life is so important to remember. Chel had a great one about unconditional love. All good to remember.
ReplyDeleteWill have to add these all to my quote file.
Thank you.
From a barrister I recently confided in: "Make memories."
ReplyDeleteSometimes, that's all you can do.
A very wise barrister! You've all been in my thoughts a lot lately.
Delete